I feel like I am on a roller coaster at the moment. And I am not enjoying it. My diabetes has decided the past week and a half, that it is going to go out on a limb and make all the decisions. I feel like the lion tamer that has lost his stick and I am staring into the gaping mouth of the lion with all of his sharp teeth. Waking up again today with a reading of 17 mmol which is not budging is not my ideal start to the day….. deciding after an hour and no response to the bolus, to do a set change on my pump and then eat breakfast anyway, knowing it is just going to end in tears and an even higher BGL.
I have been up, down and inside out. Waking up with low or high blood glucose, setting my day up for a fall. Chasing my tail and wearing myself out. Maybe it is due to the exercise I do, perhaps it is my gastroparesis, or maybe it is just one of those things. The frustration and exhaustion of these rides really sucks. The feeling that you can not grab control back, even worse. If you live with diabetes, particularly type 1 diabetes you may know what I am talking about.
I work in diabetes, I study diabetes and I live diabetes. You would think logically,that this would mean a never ending blood glucose of 6 mmol. But while I am a huge advocate for learning as much as you possibly can being one of the keys to healthy diabetes control, at the end of the day this disease just does not make sense sometimes and no matter how much you know, you end up on the rollercoaster. Hoping I can hop off some time today and go for a stroll.