Do you ever feel like your life is ruled by numbers? Like a walking calculator? Like you are a blood glucose machine and not a person?
I know I do. And I know a lot of people I speak to have also felt like this. Some people tell us that they feel like all their doctor ever talks about is their HbA1c rather than how they are feeling, what has been going on for them.
I remember once being on a treadmill and looking down to see “6” and thinking “oh that is good!”, as my brain is so used to seeing digital numbers and equating that to my Blood Glucose!
Sad I know.
I also am so used to counting carbs that a lot of the time I think, ” I will have a slice of 15 grams of carbohydrate with some Vegemite please”, instead of a slice of bread. Food has become a series of numbers.Something I have to count, monitor and restrict, rather than a pleasure. Sometimes it is something I hate. Sometimes I have to stuff lollies and glucose into my mouth when I can not take anymore. Sometimes I am STARVING and my Blood Glucose Monitor says NO.
Does this sound familiar?
I am not sure if I am capable of switching this number thing off, of taking a bit of time away from it. I worry that if I do, I will just feel ill. So I keep going with it.
Sometimes, no matter what I do, the numbers don’t play fair. Then I have my quiet (or loud!) moment of frustration, usually all alone, crunch some numbers and work out a plan of attack.
1+1 definitely does not = 2 when it comes to diabetes.
I hated maths at school, all except Algebra, which seems like an art to me with all the thinking about what the possibilities may be for the answers. I liked the whole fact seeking mission kinda thing.
Perhaps I should have become a mathematician. But then perhaps, I already am.
Please share your thoughts about living by the numbers