I sometimes feel like I spend my whole life waiting.
Waiting to grow up, to get my license, to leave school, leave home, leave town.
Waiting to get out of bad relationships and in the the “right one”. Waiting to get married, to get pregnant, waiting for babies to be born. Waiting for kids to get up, get dressed, eat, brush their teeth, go to bed.
Waiting in lines, on phones, at check outs, in car parks…. waiting for the weekend (so I can spend time with the kids), waiting for the weekdays ( so I can get rid of the kids and focus on work – what is that about?).
Waiting for people on the phone, for the right help, for someone to help me. Waiting for browsers to refresh, for applications to work on my computer (or not), for the latest software, latest phone, latest social media app.
Waiting to hear about whether our charity won a grant or not, if sponsors are back on board, or not, will we survive?
Waiting for my kids to be toilet trained, sleep in their own beds, start school, finish school, get home safe. Waiting to go on holidays, waiting to get home again.
Waiting for my blood glucose to go up, to go down, to settle down, waiting for a cure…….endless waiting.
People have said I am “impatient”. So what does that mean? That I am not good at waiting? Given the amount of waiting I do, I beg to differ.
While waiting for an application I was trying to edit my Facebook pages with to work today, over and over again, with multiple browsers open on multiple tasks all at once, it got me to thinking about waiting.
Is waiting just the fill in time between what we DO in life? Between where we are and where we want to be or go? Or is waiting the point of it all? Given the amount of waiting I do, should I be seeing the “waiting” as my life? Or perhaps this is my calling? Maybe I was BORN to wait? Given I was a waitress as a teenager and young adult and in fact quite enjoyed waiting on people, maybe this is the case.
Given I live with type 1 diabetes and spend hours and hours of my life waiting for results on blood glucose machines, waiting for my blood glucose to go up when low, go down when high, for my insulin pump to need changing, for doctor’s appointments, in doctor’s rooms, for the complications to set in, to get worse, for my diabetes to be quiet and GIVE ME A BREAK….I am thinking that perhaps, yes, waiting is what life is all about.
So here is my challenge. I am going to see waiting as an opportunity, not a pain in the arse. Instead of feeling rushed, stressed, impatient – each time I have to wait, for whatever it is – I am going to say “Waiting is my life. This is what it is all about. This is not the in between stuff, this is it” and I am going to damn well like it.
Oh, except the waiting for a cure bit – that bit I think I am a little bit over. 33 years is a very long time to wait and I am not sure anyone would stay in line for that long.